Mementos & Struggles

So it's been about four months since I last posted, meaning about five? months post Brazil trip numero three. I still miss Brazil, and long to be there. I've been a little... well, depressed, because I'm stuck in Indiana. Well... okay, I love Indiana. It is where I grew up and was born... and now live right now (in another town) while going to school across the river in Kentucky. However.... I'd rather be smelling that all too familiar smell of Brazil.. that spice... No clue what it is, but it's in the air, the Portuguese... How a glass of ice cold Guarana tastes in that HOT equatorial sun, and most importantly, building relationships with Brazilians there as we share the Gospel with them.

And yet... here I sit on my bed, with my cat... in a small town in Indiana -- at about two am. I hate the mundane... although, mission work does get pretty mundane (something I learned in Niger). It's freeing to be able to jump in a car, boat, train, plane and just... go somewhere. I love traveling, and I never pass up an opportunity to do so. I'm going though boxes of things in attempt to get rid of some piles of random junk before my grandparents visit me (and see my apartment for the first time) on Saturday.... and there's a lot of junk I'm not sure why I kept, but then there's a small assortment of stuff that brings some memories. For example, I found all my missions journals. Every time I go on a trip, I keep... or try to keep a journal of exactly what happened on the trip. Usually I don't finish writing everything down.... and it lasts about 3 or 4 days, if that. My journal from Niger was about 4 pages of actual journaling, and about 6 or 7 of learning-Zarma notes.

However, the stuff I do actually write, it's fun to look back on. I found my Journal from that first trip, back in August of '06. So crazy to think that this all started eight years ago. The first day I was there, I wrote, "If this is what God has planned for me in the future, then it sure is hot. Thank goodness for a/c in the bedrooms. I don't really have a clue what I'm doing here, but I'm sure God has sent me here for a reason. So tired, so nervous, so excited. My heart is burning with the Holy Spirit."

... lol, "it sure is hot". Yeah, it is. I love that statement. Which, by the way, not all bedrooms have a/c... and I didn't know that. The river was quite an experience that year. I actually adjusted to the heat, and then froze to death in the a/c. I remember hating going to the forth of July parade because it was just too hot... and I was in Brazil close to the equator. Only God can bring a fourteen year old and put her on the Amazon.

And then I found my second Brazil journal, as well as my Niger journal. 10 years ago I never would've guessed that God would've put me here... in school, on my way to be overseas full time. I sit here knowing that this may be my first and only apartment here in the states... at least until I retire.... although I wouldn't put retiring out of country out of the picture.

I also found a little thing from a year ago that my ex-fiance made me. It reminded me that a missional lifestyle has a cost... and it's not a little one. I'll be frank with y'all, I'm struggling with it. Last week, we had some Wycliffe reps come in and talk to the class. A student asked what the biggest struggle of being overseas would be... and I've already experienced all of the struggles commonly faced -- and I'm sure there will be a lot more. When I got on the plane to Africa last year, I said goodbye to a man I loved... for the last time... because when I came back, he was not the same man. People telling me to stay home? Happens... a lot. I can give a long list of people not understanding things that are constantly on my mind... which means I have to constantly explain myself, or I get very odd looks. When around missionary friends? It's a big comfort.... someone FINALLY gets it.

Being a missionary, even when your surrounded by people, is honestly a bit lonely. I hate it... and I think on Africa and this last Brazil trip... and the struggles I'll have daily. How I'll want to come home, but I know there's no going back. How I know if I go home, I'll just want to come back to where ever it is I am. I have to learn to be content in where I am, but at the same time, here I have to keep an international eye open. Some normal things people get into... I might not for that reason. Items that I'm going though? I'll probably throw out a lot more because I'll be thinking of what I'll have to pack up and store when I leave... I want it manageable. Which, by the way, it blows my mind how many pots and pans I have.... people gave them to me, so I won't give them away -- but one large pot and one large pan was quite enough. lol. I'm just one person.

So, I guess what I'm trying so say is that I've kinda hit one of those hard spots. I want to be overseas. Yet, I want to be home.... It's kind of a clash, and hard to explain. My brain knows the hardships coming up, and wants to run. My heart knows where it belongs, and wants to go. My heart aches for all those who don't know about Christ... here, overseas.. everywhere. It's a hard burden... but one I cannot simply 'look away' from. Doesn't work that way.

Living off campus also poses new challenges... I'm not as focused... there's no community -- and those that I meet close to home are usually lost. I'm usually only on campus for classes... and then I run to work or the next appointment. I'm so busy I feel like I never slow down to have relationships with anyone.... and while that needs to change, I'm not really sure how to change it. I've got to pay the bills, and do the homework.

At home (as in btown)? Always crazy... and my car (the yellow one was in a wreck and was totaled) is kinda sketchy. It looks nice... but has issues. This makes me a little hesitant to actually drive anywhere - except locally.

Christ is worth everything... and I surrendered a long time ago. I'll do whatever it takes, but goodness, it's hard. While I know it's hard, I know seeing every Tribe, Tongue, and Nation worshiping God -- will be worth it -- and in the same thought, I know that it's all God - and none of me. People can be deaf to Gospel and not hear a word of it when we speak.... but God opens ears. God is sovereign over all things. His sheep hear his voice.

But these middle times? While I know I'll look back on them one day and reminisce on my college days - and might think that they were way easier than whatever I'm going though at the time -- this is hard. Hopefully I'll look back and think, well, I made it. I'm here. Although, right now I have to be careful to think just getting there is my only goal... because it's not. There's much more than just getting there.... and it's more than just going... it's all about Christ - and worshiping Him, giving Him all the glory.

I'm looking at some new ministry opportunities here... possibly tutoring refugees once I get my work situation figured out. (I have an interview today... although I'm not really feeling I want the job I applied for now... I got some counter offers.) Also, I'm hoping to go to Niger in April... and hopefully back to Brazil sometime this next summer... however, I've got to see about doing the arranging -- and hopefully organizing some sort of trip. I want to go back to Santarem....

I wrote an ethnography on Brazil (a whole 53 pages!).... it was something. Tugged at my heartstrings, ready to go back.

Prayers & Love,

Emily

Conclusions

Sorry I haven't written y'all. I know I said I'd do it two weeks ago on my way back. Sorry. Every time I come back to the States I just hit the ground running. I'm sure that will never change - because of course - everyone wants to see you as soon as you land. However, work always wants extra hours -- and churches usually want to hear at least a little of what you've been doing. So, I've been working extra hours, visiting people, and putting in that extra bit at church too - plus VBS is right around the corner - and of course I'm teaching. ;) So it's just been a little hectic. 

So - Brazil trip. Y'all know the overview of what we did, so here are my final thoughts and reflections on this third trip. 

1. I miss Brazil. Badly. 

So maybe that's not really news, but visiting makes me miss it more. 2 weeks goes by before I can even blink. The trip served as a huge reminder of why I love Brazil & the people so much. At this point, I feel that my sole calling is to Brazil - not anywhere else. I thought it might be somewhere else, just because before - Brazil was the only country I managed to go to.... But, as it turns out - that's not the case. Brazil has captured my heart - and I'm sure God has a lot to do with that one. Honestly, I'd be more than miserable anywhere else. I'll still venture to go other places.... But my home is Brazil - specifically Northern Brazil. Now I just really need to focus in on the whole Portuguese thing. 

2. This trip was different than any other trip I've been on - both good and bad. 

For one, even though we didn't stay in Belém - Belém is huge.... It's slightly smaller than Chicago... And I'm more used to Santarém - which is about the size of Birmingham, Alabama. (Which, both are huge compared to my little Ellettsville, Indiana with a whopping 6 thousand people. Haha) However, we went out to small villages. I've never worked with Q's before - and that was very different too. I can't say I've really ever seen an African Brazilian until this trip. 

Secondly, There were communication issues - between everybody. This wasn't a kill-all for me, but it was a bit of a let down and a struggle for me personally.... And it really hurt the group. Looking back, I expected more because it was a seminary trip. It goes to show that good theological training isn't everything.... While it's important, communication skills & being FLEXIBLE are necessary.... I also can't stress enough how important a prayer & devotional time as a group is. 

That being said, it didn't feel like the typical group to me... It wasn't too diverse.... Mostly newbies - very athletic. Although, watching the newbies is really fun. I love to watch their reactions to different things. Even though I've only been 3 times (maybe it's because I was introduced very young?) - there are some things in Brazilian culture that don't really phase me anymore - and they pick up on every little thing. It's super interesting to see.... Especially first reactions to squatty potties. (It never gets old. Rofl.) 

I realize I didn't really fit in that well with the group I came with - mostly just personality differences, but, maybe it was a needed experience. I need to keep in mind who I'm working with when I speak - even if I'm speaking out of prior experience. Personality differences can impact communication greatly. I think I learned just how important communication is on trips like these. - please don't get me wrong - the group was great - just different. Different isn't necessarily bad!

3. Just because things were different, the ultimate goal was the same.

Reaching the Q's. Engaging with them and providing groundwork. While groundwork isn't the most exciting thing, the work has to start somewhere - and our ultimate goal isn't numbers of saved souls anyway. The goal is God being glorified.

4. The Q's feel that they are a "forgotten people". 

That's something they assign to themselves. They are so deep in the Amazon that they rarely get visitors - let alone good health care.... And I'm sure you can imagine why the Gospel hasn't gotten that far quite yet. The Q's haven't been reached because they are hard to reach. From what I understand, some of their religious backgrounds remind of of that of Songhai people - just with a Catholic mixing pot of religions instead of a Muslim one. They'll take everything good and believe all of it of every religion - so you have to be careful how you present things. Also - they're an oral people - so just handing out tracks and Bibles doesn't cover it. (Not that it really ever covers it all. Discipleship is important.)

Because the Q's feel forgotten, a visit is worth more than you could imagine - especially if you bring doctors. Their gratitude was overwhelming. 

The Q's are the biggest UPG in Brazil - and not all of the Q's communities have been found yet - Because they are so deep within the jungle. Pray for them, please - and the missionaries working with them. There is one Q church. Pray for the leaders - for the Holy Spirit's guidance.

5. Personally, the last time I went abroad, I was in a committed relationship - and this reminded me of it. Just the constant feeling of being alone... Reminds me how much we need to pray for our missionaries. 

I'm not sure how I can expand on this - but being out there, away from close family and friends isn't easy, and trials constantly hit - both single and married missionaries. To be a missionary (cross-culturally) is give up every last right to comfort and family... So that comfort zone is gone pretty quickly... Even if you are more or less "used to" the culture. 

6. Part of the goal of short term trips need to be encouraging the long term missionaries. 

Kingdom work is important - and this counts. It's so easy to be discouraged. I think I'm seeing this more and more as I keep going. Again, not quite sure how to explain.... Just realize it's extremely important for any trips you go on. 

7. Did I mention I really miss Brazil? Because I really do, with my whole heart.

I'm seriously hoping and praying about doing my journeyman term in Brazil... And maybe beyond that. I also miss guaraná soda... But that one is a little less heart felt. Haha. 

8. I think God was teaching me multiple things on this trip. 

For starters, how important personal relationship time with Him is.... It will shape your whole day - your whole trip - your whole life... And realizing that it's ultimately all for His glory makes things a thousand times easier. 

If you're not active in your prayer life and ministry at home - you probably won't be in the field. Don't wait until a better time comes... Just do it... Seriously, a better time will never come.

Patience. Is. Extremely. Important. Especially when you're interacting with people with extremely different personalities that are new to a culture... before you've had your coffee - around 6am. (Funny, but super true. Probably not the best thing to stare blankly.) God gives patience... And grace when we fail.

9. I am constantly amazed at God's grace... I mean really.

In the lives of Brazilians, Q's, and Americans alike. God saves sinners for His glory... And the stories of His greatness never stop... And they never should.

God gives grace for error... Especially when it comes to patience. (Maybe that's why God made the coffee bean. Pure grace. Haha) The mere fact that God can be so holy and still love me (us) a sinner condemned un-holy - is so amazing. 

10. God is sovereign. 

This isn't new, but is so comforting. All His sheep - those who He has called to salvation - will here his voice. One day every tribe, every tounge, and every nation will bow before the sovereign Lord and they will confess that He is Lord. What a beautiful and fearful day that will be.

One more thing. I am continually glad for God's provision...

Praise God I can run off for a few weeks and come back able to still pay the bills and not be late on a payment.... Even when I had to take days off before I went because of a sprained hip... (Because I tried to be athletic. Ha!) God is good, all the time - and all the time, God is good. 

I'm sorry this has been so round a bout, but, I hope y'all take something away from these little reflections. 

As far as more trips go - it looks like Niger is possible in April - and maybe Brazil again next summer? We'll see how it works out with the missionaries (who will all (The Foxes and the P's) be stateside in a few weeks - so pray for them! I've heard reverse culture shock can be a nightmare! - especially after being away for several years. 

Please keep praying for the Q's and the Songhai people for salvation. Also for me... Just 2 more years and I'll be heading out myself. Such a long road ahead... So easy to get discouraged (and there aren't very many resources for missionaries on that kind of thing). Also pray for more spiritual growth. 

Pray for the team members that were with me - for guidance in their lives, for growth, to be encouraged, and to ultimately give God all the glory. 

Pray for Bethany's VBS week (next week?) as well as the World Cup finals (Lets go Brasil!) and the IMB missionaries there at the games witnessing to this attending. 

Thank you for your continued support. Love y'all! I will try to do at least one update during the semester for y'all. 

Em

P.S. Pictures will be posted on Facebook eventually... I promise. Sorry I haven't gotten to it. I don't have as many this time, but I do have around 200. I hope that's okay! ;)

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of various kinds

The past few weeks have been very hard - and I feel as though no one else wants to admit it. 

The bugs... Oh my heavens. They ate us all. (Guess who's allergic to deet? This girl! Guess it was one of those developing allergies that had to pop out in the middle of the mosquito ridden jungle.) I'm sure I have well over 40 bug bites, a rash from an allergic reaction, and a sting... From who knows what. My ankles are swollen and my hip hurts slightly... As well as dealing with that thorn in my flesh that I know so well - endometriosis.

On top of that, the heat was exhausting. It was very hard to keep our focus on why we were there - and I'll be the first to admit I haven't been the best at that this trip. It was really hard to do so without that... Vital team unity - which I'm learning is sort of hard to come by. 

Kinda rough, right? Seems like every time we turned a corner, there was at least one thing we could be discouraged by.... And the trials keep coming, even though our trip is at it's closing days. 

In the book of James it says that we are to have joy in trials. This is because good will come out of it. We are to remain under the pressure of these trials until we are perfect & complete - a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. 

It's not easy. The encouragement? God is in control of all things, and works all things together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose. Now this does not mean that everything is about us - it's all about Him - and this process helps us learn to trust Him more, to know Him more, and to glorify Him more. 

Pray on this my brothers & sisters. 

More tomorrow. ;)

Tchau

What we're doing.

6/14/14

So in the last update I didn't say much of what we have been doing here. Oops. 

Last week we walked a ton in the jungle to make visits to different houses. I would tell the creation story though a translator, and then a Brazilian would re-tell the story and then share the Gospel. Repeat... Times a zillion. Sometimes in the afternoon we would have games for the kids at the church or building where we'd meet. We'd also have a health professional come and talk to the people. It is impossible to get good healthcare without going to the city - these people - the Quilos- are out in the bush. 

It is SO hot - and we sleep out here too. If you're by the river (Amazon) it gets cold at night. It still gets a little cooler here but not by much! We've had a few days to rest in the city -- getting spoiled by air conditioning.... I miss air conditioning, but what we're doing here is worth more than that. 

The first village we went to had no electricity and the houses were very far apart. This one has electricity - meaning we have working lightbulbs and a toilet!! A real toilet. (I'm so excited about this. Not a fan of squatty potties.) There's an inside shower too. (Again, not a fan of the outdoor shower.)

Here soon we're going to visit some more people and tell the creation story - until sundown. We're waiting for the heat of the day to pass. 

So, I totally forgot about drinking a ton of water - and got dehydrated. As soon as I realized what happened, I could hear Scotty in my head demanding that I drink a ton of water. Others caught on quickly and did so as well. Thankfully I'm feeling better - but that was a bit rough!!

Watching the first game of the World Cup here in Brasil was amazing. Everyone was so energized. It was like watching an Alabama vs Auburn game in Alabama. Lol. But instead of football... It was football (soccer). 

Another tid bit, is that I've been adopted. I have Brazilian parents now. ;) How exciting! I also found a lady who reminds me very much of Jo mama (hope you're reading this!). She's a very sweet lady & has patience with me when I don't have a translator with me. :)

Each of us has our own translator & Brazilian partner. My translator's name is Elaine - and my Brazilian partner's name is Job. (Job is also by Brazilian dad.)

-- 

I totally just rode on a cart behind a water buffalo! So fun! Haha. Yay for new experiences. 

.... So, that's what we've been doing. :)

Back home in Brasil

Most of you know it was in Brasil on the Amazon river when I first realized that I was called to be a missionary. I remember the moment like it was yesterday - after a very long week at one of the churches in Brasil, we headed out on the river towards Marimarituba. As I meditated on God's word and looked out as we passed by different islands, God spoke to my heart saying that this is what He wants me to do with my life - and even though there had been times I questioned it, God always reaffirmed it. Although, I've always been afraid that one day He would take that away... And He hasn't... And I don't believe He ever will take this precious burden away from me. 

Honestly, I wasn't sure what this trip would be like. While Belém is in the north.... It isn't Santarém. While we still go out to villages - they are not the same. This is my first trip to Brazil with a team that isn't from my hometown church - and while I miss going with them and seeing Scotty & Jan, it has been a good couple of days. 

I read some of the other team members blogs. They commented on how different it is here - and how blessed we are, talked about firsts and such. I could talk about that... But that train left a good 8 years ago. (Haha). 

God amazes me. He amazes me by working though - and in spite of - my weaknesses. 

God amazes me by working though me even though I'm not as physically strong as the other members in my group. 

God amazes me by using the very people I came to share with to teach me something. 

God amazes me with his wonderful creation. 

God amazes me when he seeks and saves the lost. His sheep hear His voice. 

It amazes me that God would choose a small town girl who was doomed to have a life filled with sadness and headache, to go all over the world and tell of the good news He has given us. 

We are never too insignificant for God to use us, even if someone else thinks otherwise. 

I love Brazil with all my heart. I'm starting to believe that God actually gave me this desire and longing in my heart for Brazil - and it wasn't just me. These people need to hear about God's wrath, Christ's sacrifice, and God's love - just like I did. 

--

Please keep our team in your prayers. We're heading back out to the jungle. 

The walks are very challenging for me. Pray that I may endure. 

Pray that Quilos and Brazilians will understand the message we bring. 

Pray for team unity and willingness to understand this brand new culture.

Pray that God might speak to the hearts of those who are lost. 

I met man in a village, and he had surgery and is still not yet very well. From my understanding, this sort of thing happens often. Pray for the health of the village.

Thank you! I'll try to post the next time I get internet! (No electricity out in the villages!!)

Yet another overdue update...

Sorry I'm not good at this y'all.  Hopefully I'll get better over time.

So the ball is rolling on the Brazil trip. It will be June 8-23 - with us leaving on the 8th and getting back the morning of the 23rd. I cannot express how EXCITED I am about getting to go back to Brazil for a third time... and I hope there will be many more trips, and hopefully a move to the depths of the Amazon. I love Africa... but for some reason, my heart really sticks in the Amazon jungle... but honestly, who knows where I'll really wind up!! I'm working on getting letters sent out - if you'd like to donate online, please go to http://www.grouprev.com/braziltrip2014 to donate. All donations go to me thru the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary - and all donations are tax deductible. :)  You will receive a receipt in the mail for tax purposes. Just make SURE you click on MY NAME on the drop menu that asks where you heard about this opportunity. If you don't, I won't benefit!

I've started preparations for the trip! Instead of my usual trunks... I'll be living out of a backpack for 2 weeks. While some people might gasp at this... the more rugged it gets, the more excited I get. ;) There's a camping trip coming up for prep for this trip - at a camp in KY, and we'll be hiking about 10 miles. Pray that we all have the strength to do this!! I'm starting to do training for the trip (which I should've started months ago) walking a mile or two a day, and gradually increasing. Most of you know much I hate exercise... but being in shape seems to be pretty important. Also... it'll give me a jump on my training for the journeyman program...

Which reminds me... I've begun the process of applying to be a journeyman through the IMB. Its a program grads do thru the IMB that keeps them on the field for about 2 years. The application process usually takes around a year to complete. This is sort of... the trial run, if you will, to being a career missionary. I'm super excited to be doing this, pray for wisdom and guidance as I run though each and every part of the interview process.

Also pray for our missions department/team at Bethany. We're starting to engage the community. I'm hoping at some point though, we'll be able to advance beyond just evangelizing to a neighbor and move on to the cross cultural aspect of Louisville. There are over 100 different international unreached people groups or UPGs that live in the city, and about half of those are unengaged unreached people groups or UUPGs (meaning they're less than 2% evangelical Christian and no one is currently reaching out to them). In most cases, as Americans, we are unable to go to their home countries. This may be the ONLY way they ever hear... and if, say, one of them goes back to their home country, the Gospel could be spread there. It's important to reach the nations at our doorstep as well as traveling to unknown worlds. Louisville is a refugee city. There are Southern Baptist churches that have turned into mosques... less than 5 miles away from my church, and less than 10 miles away from Southern Seminary. There are so many people right here in this city that we should be reaching out to. I just pray Bethany's eyes are opened to their lost co-worker... and the lost cross-cultural community around them.

I'm trying to get involved with the cross-cultural community via friendship international and maybe Refuge. (we'll see!)

Classes have been okay. Work has taken up most of my time, and with all the weather changes, I've been out quite a bit due to sinus infections... >.> I started the semester with three classes, and I'm down to 2 classes - both of those classes being missions classes. (The one I dropped was Philosophy. Yuck.)

I hope I find y'all well. Please be praying for the ministry here! Let me know if I can pray for y'all in any way.

Thanks!

Em